Sometimes you frustrate me so much because you interest and excited me and all I wanted was to see more. Your eyes were an adventure and your voice was like rain. I didn't expect my heart to have the strength to feel this way again. But then again I know what I did wrong and although I've made this mistake in the past, I can never seem to learn my lesson. I can never let go of my love for darkness, crippling as it sounds i know it will always be there. I don't want to wake up constantly remembering, wanting to live those moments again. Do things differently. But my words are just words. Whether they reach you or not is completely out of my hands now. I just wish there was a way to gain closure from all of this. For yet another person has effected my life no matter how small the burden, I have no choice but to face tomorrow while always looking back. Never paying attention to what is in front of me. Sometimes I just wish I could make you see, I don't know if it would ever matter enough to change any of this. Or if what you said is true and you never saw anything in me. For some reason I just can't believe that. Often times things aren't always as they seem. I just wanted you to see me, hear me. Too much. Too soon. But there was something in you that was telling me to give you everything. Even after the lost battles, after all that had fallen around me, after everything I've ever sacrificed. I had crumbled to my knees, defeated once again. And then... you sort of fell into my lap. I brushed the dirt off my shoulders and found the courage to pick up the pieces, lift my head up and try to start something fresh. Something new. And I knew for whatever reason, that I could trust you. I don't know what this means now. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But the part that just absolutely kills me, the part that drives me insane... there is a place inside me that knows without a doubt that I will see your face again, and we will laugh and play just like we did before. I don't know where its coming from. I keep trying to cut it off. But no, it's there everyday. It shines like the full moon in the center of a starless sky. It shines ever so strong. I'm not sure what to make of any of this. Because you stick out in my mind. Its never been so hard to let go of what seems to be a silly dream. I always like to think that everything happens for a reason, people will come in and out of you life but there will always be a reason. So I can't help but to wonder. What was your reason? As hard as I try I can't hate you, i don't blame you at all. I let my defense mechanisms take control. I started to doubt you too. I got scared, very scared and it was getting harder to breathe with every step. You really didn't stand a chance. I pushed you away with every word, like blows to the head. I didn't open my eyes enough to see what I was doing. I find this all to be terribly excrusiating and I have no more tricks up my sleeve. Happiness is never how you think it should be. And on that note.... Where's the fucking liquor!?!?!?!?!